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Joke of the Day

"Don't you hate it when you're typing something and you're thinking about something else so then you subconsciously type what you were tits."

"The captain of a ship got into a fight with a one eyed monster... Once the fight ended and he had prevailed he said to himself ""I lost a lot of good seamen today..."""

"If aliens ever attack, I hope they do it in rows of 8, going right and left directly above me. I'm very skilled at shooting aliens this way"

"If you jump off a bridge in Paris... You are in seine"

"How do you know if somebody is a vegan? Don't worry, they'll fucking tell you."

"What did the skeleton order at the restaurant? Spare ribs."

"I am friends with 25 letters from the alphabet I don't know y EDIT: Credits to Chris Turner."

"I want to be a host at a restaurant so if someone asks for a booth I can yell, ""YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE BOOTH!"""

"Two fish were in a tank. One said to the other, ""Do you know how to drive this thing?"""

"A ghost walks into a bar. The bartender says ""I feel cold."" The ghost lingers for years. The bartender grows despondent, lost."