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Joke of the Day

"What are some good 'your sister jokes'? Ones like: what's the difference between dinner and your sister? I wash my hands before eating dinner."

"Why do vampires hate arguments? Because they make themselves cross."

"How many Freudians does it take to screw their mothers? Not mothers, lightbulbs. Shit."

"*When I see someone else jaywalk* ""What an idiot."" *When I jaywalk* ""I am a trained professional. Do not attempt this yourself."""

"The Doctor made me walk again... Because I had to sell my car in order to pay the hospital bill"

"Man it would suck if I died on this plane mostly because of some unused gift cards I was waiting for ""the right time"" to use."

"Oh please! Merkel: ""Alexis, I don't think you Greeks understand the seriousness of your debt situation..."" Tsipras: ""Oh please....you really should give us a bit more credit."""

"What did the doctor say to the short guy in a hurry? You're going to have to be a little patient."

"*seductively feeding you chicken wings while you hit on a hot chick ""I'm sorry, I really don't know what a wingman is supposed to do."""

"Why do elephants hate flying? The seats are too small."