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Joke of the Day

"I hate when I toss some cold pizza in the microwave, check Twitter real quick and when I come back I've missed 3 mortgage payments."

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"Where do you hide after killing a black person? behind a badge"
"Before Chris Brown did a concert with them,,, they were just known as ""The Peas""."
"my abacus is super trustworthy i can always count on it"
"My first language is condescension. You wouldn't understand it."
"If any of you guys are considering law school, please keep in mind I passed the bar exam in multiple states & now I'm a purple hippo online"
"What have I got in my hands? A double decker bus! You looked!"
"Why does Santa never visit Jewish families on Christmas? Jew's houses dont have chimneys, they already fell for going into a house with them once! [NSFW]"
"Five years ago my boss asked me where I wanted to be in five years. I finally know the answer: Not Here"
"Day 1: Brad wears no pants Day 2: Brad wears no pants Day 3: Brad wears no pants ... ... This is just a bottomless Pitt"
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