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Joke of the Day

"my abacus is super trustworthy i can always count on it"

"I was thinking about making an elm tree joke.. But it's acorny one."

"People tell you to make yourself at home but then look confused when you drink their liquor and take a nap in the kitchen"

"What do you call a frog that's in the mood? A HORNY TOAD!"

"Protip: if your date is going to throw a drink at your face, at least open your mouth, because hey, free drink."

"Everyone lies on their resume but I fear I may have gone overboard with 'immortal' and 'shoots lasers from eyes' and 'hardworking'."

"What did the slice of pork say to the attractive woman.... ....you may be hot, but I'm bacon!!!"

"The Heist A man walks into the bank with a pistol. He aims the gun at his head and yells, ""Give me the money!""."

"the printer in my office is fondly called Bob Marley it keeps jamming"

"Math problem: Q: John has 32 candy bars. He eats 28. What does he have now? A: Diabetes. John has diabetes."