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Joke of the Day

"Five years ago my boss asked me where I wanted to be in five years. I finally know the answer: Not Here"

"I burnt my Hawaiian Pizza last night. Must use Aloha setting."

"Two sausages are sizzling in a pan.... One says ""Do you think it's hot in here?"" The other says ""oh my god a talking sausage!"""

"I hate passive-aggressive people. _You know what you did_"

"How does Avis feel to be #2? It Hertz"

"[Frugal] I ran behind a bus all the way home and save $2.25. Got home and girlfriend mocked me saying had I run behind a cab, I would have saved $15."

"It's politically incorrect to say 'black paint' these days... You must say, ""Jamal, would you mind painting the fence please?"""

"""Your place or mine?"" ""But, sir, I just met you. What makes you think I would be interested?"" ""Lady, let's be honest - why else would a 35-year-old woman be at carburettor exhibition?"""

"Have you heard the latest by Lady Marmalade and the Pectin Pack? Oh wait, I forgot you don't like jam bands"

"I like my drinks like I like my women. Whatever's available."