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Joke of the Day

"How many dead hookers does it take to change a lightbulb? Apparently more than 5, because my basement is still dark."

"What did the Mexican firefighter call his son?? Jose"

"Restless Leg Syndrome I found out I have restless leg syndrome so I started wearing a Fitbit to bed. I get at least 10,000 steps a night."

"ME: There's no i in team but there is one in pizza WIFE: so you're not going to share ME: I am not going to share"

"What is the type of conference that brings together knights and mathematicians? A *sir-conference*"

"I'm suprised that there aren't more fat lesbians... All they ever talk about is eating out."

"I was doing a Maths exam yesterday. I looked up to find the lad at the next desk staring at me. I said, ""What the fuck's your problem?"" He said, ""The square root of 144."""

"You're hiking. Smokey the Bear appears smoking a cigar. He nods, flicks it into a pile of leaves and smiles, ""No one will ever believe you."""

"what idiot called it becoming a zombie and not waking up on the wrong side of the dead"

"Q: Why do blondes always drink with straws? A: Practice."