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Joke of the Day

"My dream is to be a security guard on Maury. I'd whisper ""you look like a Volkswagen Beetle with eyes."" When the women were crying backstage"

"I named my dick money... 'Cause women love to blow it"

"How many straight men in california does it take to change a lightbulb? both of them"

"when the character's name is the same as the actor's name I assume it's because the actor was too stupid to respond to his character's name"

"My Ebola outbreak brings the CDC to the yard and they're like, sir that's just irritable bowel syndrome."

"I wish my band were shittier so we could get booked on Leno :("

"What's the difference between an enzyme and a hormone? You can't hear the enzyme"

"Guy in wheelchair spotted on Google Earth lol"

"What kind of bug do you find on a long car ride? An I-shoulda-pede."

"What's the difference between Sarah Palin's mouth and her pussy? Only 20% of the things that came out of her pussy were retarded. /r/imgoingtohellforthis ?"