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Joke of the Day

"I wish my band were shittier so we could get booked on Leno :("

"[wife yelling in waterpark] ""BRENT SOMEONE IS STEALING THE CAR"" [top of huge slide] K IM STILL GONNA TAKE THE SLIDE DOWN CUZ IT'll BE FASTER"

"What's really important to a bat when they are looking for a new home? Echo-location, location, location (Replace ""bat"" with ""zubat"" if you wish.)"

"I found a girl by the train tracks and got head. I would've gone to third base but I couldn't find the rest of her."

"Did you hear about the pig who opened a pawn shop? He called it ""Ham Hocks""."

"Do you guys know the story of Flip Flap the Giraffe? It's a giraffe, walking in the savannah. All of a sudden, an helicopter comes by and..... flip flap the giraffe!"

"I was arrested for punching an elderly African-American lady at Home Depot. My wife told me to find a Black N' Decker."

"(in a rowboat with 6 starving people) ""I think you mean ""WHOM should we eat first"""

"9 out of 10 men prefer women with big tits. The 10th guy prefers the other 9 guys."

"We've all heard of Whistler's Mother.... But what about Whistler's Father? I guess you could say that he's out of the picture."