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Joke of the Day

"What kind of bug do you find on a long car ride? An I-shoulda-pede."

"Flash floods in Arizona last night. We nominate California and Texas. #ALSIceBucketChallenge"

"Why did the elephants get kicked out of the public pool? THEY KEPT DROPPING THEIR TRUNKS!"

"Science tells us there are far fewer female autists than male... But thanks to the pay gap, there are far more female starving autists."

"Mr. Jones, did you or did you not have an affair with the victim, Diana? ""No!"" Oh really. And what's your first name? ""Indiana"" [jury gasps]"

"All roads lead to Chuck Norris. And by the transitive property, a roundhouse kick to the face."

"Just bought a Subaru & it came with wet rescue dog nose marks on the windows, some pot & Whole Foods environmentally friendly shopping bags."

"What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pool? Bob."

"If you don't like the news, go out and make some."

"To their credit, selfie sticks may be the only proof future archaeologists have to dispute the notion cameras grew directly out of our arms"