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Joke of the Day

"Got home late to a note that said ""Wake me up for sex"", which I stared at for 10 mins before realizing it was my own handwriting."

"If a stork brings white babies and a crow brings black babies, what brings no babies? A little Swallow."

"The camping shop in Stratford-upon-Avon is having a sale of last season's stock. Their slogan....? Now.. is the winter of our discount tents."

"Tits are like Legos I'm always stepping on them."

"'McDonalds is the biggest sponsor of the 2012 olympic games'. We've officially reached the point where satire doesn't need punchlines."

"What did the server say when the customer requested something they didn't have? 404"

"So a beautiful girl I met was coming to my house.. But I was afraid of getting a boner, so I taped my dick to my leg. She shows up in a mini-skirt, smoking hot.. so I kicked her in the face."

"What idiot called them swordfish instead of... oh, no, wait, actually that's pretty good."

"Stretching before working out is for wussies could someone please call 911?"

"friend: Are you eating a whole frozen pizza by yourself? me: It was on sale for $4 friend: I wasnt asking because I thought it was expensive"