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Joke of the Day

"How does one respond to a black guy sending you a dick pic? TL;DR"

"911 what is your emergency? Me: ""My 6 year old hasn't stopped talking since he got home"" 911: ""stay calm ma.. Me: MY EARS ARE BLEEDING"

"What's the difference between an egg and a root? You can beat a good egg"

"Have you heard the joke from the kid with short attention-span? He didn't even finish his j---"

"Cop: You know why I pulled you over sir? Me: Because you suck at finding rapists, murders, molesters, thieves, and arsonists?"

"Do you know what the white stuff in bird poop is? More bird poop."

"My manager at the millinery has a really short temper I mean he gets really angry at the drop of a hat!"

"I gave my cat a middle name today, so she knows when she is really in trouble."

"How does Sean Connery shave? Ctrl+esh"

"Apparently, driving past police cars while drinking water from an old vodka bottle isn't 'funny' and is technically 'wasting' police time :("