209063

Joke of the Day

"What is white and gold and black and blue? A blonde in a physically abusive relationship. See you guys in hell."

"Me: This is a nice, quiet neighborhood. Real estate agent: This is a cemetery. Me: I'll take it."

"""They call me Mr Six Hours,"" I told her, trying to make it sound like a sex thing not the amount of time my head was stuck in a beehive for"

"Why did the cardiologist bake a cake with partially hydrogenated oil? Because he took the hypocritic oath"

"So excited for work tomorrow! Also, I typically show excitement by listening to Coldplay and crying for a solid 45 minutes."

"Why could Edward not leave his driveway and get back to his home country? He was Snowden."

"My friends are baffled that I gave up the single life for my European wife and wonder why I don't chase girls anymore. It's because she keeps me in Czech."

"I have friends who swear they dream in colour but it's just a pigment of their imagination"

"Satan was all alone with Eve, NAKED, at the forbidden tree and all he did was to convince her to eat a fruit? GAY."

"I made a promise to a dying friend... ...that I'd stop making commitments."