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Joke of the Day

"Interviewer: I heard you were extremly quick at Math... Me: ""yes, as a matter of fact I am"" Interviewer: ""Whats 14x27"" Me: ""49"" Interviewer: ""that's not even close"" me: ""yeah, but it was fast"""

"Who do you get if you cross Arnold Schwarzenegger with Michael Jackson? Michael Wasanigger"

"Billion dollar idea: Tea bags that are actually wine bags. Slogan: You already act like you're God, now turn water into wine like Jesus!"

"the kidz bop version of gangnam style plays 24hrs a day in hell. do you accept jesus christ as your lord and saviour?"

"GIRL: l'm tired of bad boys and their bs. I want a good boy, for a change. ME [clearly a golden retriever]: *turns to camera and winks*"

"What do you get when you mix a fly, a snake head, and Mickey Mouse? The hell out of there."

"Ever listened to 90s R&B lyrics? Sex you up? Licky boom-boom down? No wonder none of us know what the hell were doing in relationships"

"I went to an AA meeting, met a lot of batteries"

"I had my blood drawn today. The artist was very nice."

"Well, it's easy to tell I'm married. It's Friday night and I'm at home updating my facebook status..."