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Joke of the Day

"GIRL: l'm tired of bad boys and their bs. I want a good boy, for a change. ME [clearly a golden retriever]: *turns to camera and winks*"

"I told you I'm busy! Who are you going to believe, me or the last 20 tweets I posted?"

"America: We put the 'try' in country."

"What did Mr. Cena's fiancee say on their wedding day? No, John! *You* can't see *me!*"

"Be alert The world needs more lerts."

"How do you stop an elephant going through the eye of a needle? By tying a knot on its tail."

"Why does Dracula have no friends? Because he's a pain in the neck."

"Did you hear about the jurisprudence fetishist that walked into a courtroom? He got off on a technicality."

"What did one tampon say to the other? Nothing. They're both stuck up bitches."

"So Fabio is endorsing a new line of Fleshlights They're calling them ""I can't believe it's not butt."""