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Joke of the Day

"[Call from cell company] We can give you 15 gigs for $100 Me: Excellent! *Puts the band back together"

"Why did the chicken cross the road? Is there a punchline that could make this joke funny?"

"My doctor suggested I use ice to reduce the pain. But I think this whiskey tastes just fine without it."

"I never knew my son was 80 years old until he told me to text our neighbor because ""his leaves are getting on our lawn."""

"What did the CN tower say to the clouds??? Only the tip baby, I promise!"

"Wife: We get 1 ""cheat meal"" on our diet. I want tacos. What do you want? Me: The waitress. ...And that's why I'm not getting laid tonight."

"I don't think my neighbor knows my rule about not interacting unless we're both pointing at the same tornado."

"""Let's check in with Ted our correspondent in the field."" Ted: ""Hey Bob I've been in this field for about an hour, and I'm super bored."""

"I recently received a certificate for the breast stroke. Although the Judge called it a restraining order."

"How does a black chick tell if she's pregnant? When she pulls the tampon out, all the cotton is already picked."