190631

Joke of the Day

"I never knew my son was 80 years old until he told me to text our neighbor because ""his leaves are getting on our lawn."""

"My phone won't let me be depressed. It autocorrected :( to :)"

"The way my neighbors are making their trick-or-treating kids skip my door you'd think I was handing out ecstasy pills like last year."

"[at a bar] CUTE GIRL: *grabs my arm* hey there ME: *mouth full of food* did you know a lobster on a kabob is called a kablobster"

"Whats the difference between a suicide bomber and a hooker..?? Nothing.. They like to blow.."

"You speak in haiku / That is VERY attractive / Said no girl ever"

"Got Christmas card glitter all over me and now I can't stop stripping."

"Is Lobster Bisque a good rap name?"

"Just killed a cricket at work, and, long story short, I'm now being asked to audition for Riverdance."

"What would North Korea be renamed to if it was taken over by a Scandinavian dictator? Norse Korea"