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Joke of the Day

"""Let's check in with Ted our correspondent in the field."" Ted: ""Hey Bob I've been in this field for about an hour, and I'm super bored."""

"Do you remember when you used to blow bubbles? Well he's back in town and said he misses you."

"If you put your right ear really close to your left knee and you listen... ...you can hear a voice say 'What the fuck are you doing?'"

"Who named the Sperm Whales? Seamen."

"I wish I had a more acidic wit Unfortunately mine's very basic."

"a friend told me how electricity was measured and i was like watt"

"When I was a kid, I used to dream about swimming in an ocean of orange soda. Now I realize that it was just a fanta-sea."

"Told my 11 and 8 next time I take their electronics away I'd also be responding to all texts they receive.They've been well behaved since."

"When I first met my boyfriend, he told me he shared something in common with the KKK... He was right, that man is a wizard under the sheets."

"How many SEO experts does it take to change a lightbulb? lightbulbs buy light bulbs neon lights sex porn"