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Joke of the Day

"""Let's check in with Ted our correspondent in the field."" Ted: ""Hey Bob I've been in this field for about an hour, and I'm super bored."""

"I'm angrier than a waitress forced to sing happy birthday"

"What is a psychic medium? ...smaller than a psychic large."

"Who decides which weeds to kill in the garden? Weedicide."

"I'm totally fine with everyone leaving the country if Trump wins or if Hillary wins. I need more space"

"What do you call a singing group trio of pre-op Trannies? Chixie Dicks"

"Wife: for the last time buy a terrarium Me: [drops 7 lizards into my shirt] why they already have a home"

"How many? How many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Just two, but I have no idea how they got in there."

"I miss my friend jack... I loved listening to music with him."

"*Pauses Titanic during the most romantic part* *Turns to GF* ""You know, Contra was really easy. But I still liked using the 100 life code"""