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Joke of the Day

"How does a black chick tell if she's pregnant? When she pulls the tampon out, all the cotton is already picked."

"The iPhone 5 will be able to print bacon"

"""honey why is our water bill so high?"" *water bill sits there holding a bong* hahahah duuuude i don't know man. DORITOS. DO WE HAVE DORITOS?"

"*coroner takes picture of my body after I'm brutally murdered* Me: delete it"

"If You Have Never Seen A Galaxy Explode Just head to the nearest Samsung store."

"Sorry about the concussion Steve but it wouldn't be called a ""trust fall"" if it worked every time."

"Look UPS chick, you can't just show up at someone's house unannounced and expect them to always have their pants on, and not to be covered in Baby Oil!!"

"I've been single so long I deserve a bachelors degree"

"Buying little gold star stickers so when people I'm speaking with say things I like I'll stick one on their forehead."

"Anyone know any kid-friendly jokes about burgers? Extra points if it can be about a burger monster (don't ask)."