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Joke of the Day

"Everyone seems worried about global warming and world hunger... ...but the real crisis is that one day elderly drivers will know how to text."

"Wife: [looking out of window] Go and talk to our son. He's outside looking forlorn. Me: [goes outside] *points to grass* it's there u prick"

"What are the sexiest farm animals? Brown chicken, Brown cow!"

"How do you confuse an AP student? Make the first 21 questions all be the answer C."

"A pig, trying to save its life. After seeing a grill in the garden, the pig started to bark at strangers!"

"Toys these days That awkward moment when your toys make three movies behind your back. -Andy"

"Why is it never safe to tell a joke about corn? A corn has ears."

"A Wheelchair Basketball Game I was at a wheelchair basketball game, and the announcer told everyone to ""Please rise for the pledge."" The ironic thing was that all the players were veterans."

"Pokemon Go is just like Grindr... but for kids. And you try and catch Pokemon instead of catching AIDS."

"""You can be anything!"" Okay I'm going to be Kanye west ""Josh that's not what I meant"" Shhhh *puts my finger to her lips* It's Kanye now"