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Joke of the Day

"My girlfriend just got mad and accused me of stalking her. Well, she's not actually my girlfriend yet."

"@BurgerKing I love the way all employees working the drive thru speak English as a 14th language. I just got a frog and an avocado."

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Anya ! Anya who ? Anya best behavior !"

"Me: Honey, I left work early to pick up the kids! Wife: But we d.. *I arrive into the kitchen with two small goats Meet Frank and Dolores"

"It's a good thing Aquaman isn't black Shortest...comic book...ever!"

"A man was complaining to a friend. ""I had it all. Money a beautiful house a BIG car the love of a beautiful woman then POW! it was all gone!"" ""What happened?"" asked the friend. ""My wife found out."""

"Somebody accused me of being condescending today... ...by the way, condescending is shown or characterized by a patronizing or superior attitude toward others."

"Ive always wanted to be an artist. I draw and paint everyday. But im already 25 so im going to do what bruce jenner did and wait 40 years until im nearly dead."

"My life could benefit from a little more Stranger Danger and a little less Acquaintance Maintenance."

"A farmer in the field with his cows counted 196 of them, but when he rounded them up he had 200."