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Joke of the Day

"A man was complaining to a friend. ""I had it all. Money a beautiful house a BIG car the love of a beautiful woman then POW! it was all gone!"" ""What happened?"" asked the friend. ""My wife found out."""

"I saw a woman texting and driving today and it really pissed me off... So I rolled down my window and threw my beer at her."

"My girlfriend left a note on the fridge, ""It's not working. I cant take it anymore, I'm going to moms"" I opened the fridge, the light came on, the beer was cold, WTF is she talking about?"

"What do you call a punch-drunk Japanese person whose father has diarrhea? A slap-happy Jappy with a crap-happy pappy! I'll show myself out..."

"What did the one melon say to the other melon? We're too young to marry. We cantaloupe."

"If you had to choose between your local WNBA team winning the finals and receiving $5..... What would you spend your $5 on?"

"My wife keeps 72 half-empty bottles of stuff in the shower. And if I even look at them, they all throw themselves on the floor."

"Rise and shine all the beautiful women of the world. Ugly women, go back to sleep, your time is coming, at night."

"Have you heard about the goodweather witch? She's forecasting sunny spells."

"What did the LGBT art teacher tell the kids to use when their projects needed glue ? (wait for it ... wait for it ...) brucilage !!!!!!!!"