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Joke of the Day

"If aliens are only on the quest for intelligent life, then Earth really has nothing to worry about."

"If you walk a mile in my shoes, you'll end up at the bar..."

"MAGICIAN: think of a card! ME: ok. MAGICIAN: is... this ur card? [holds up card that says ""UGH I HATE MAGIC SHOWS THIS IS CRAP""] ME: holy crap"

"I used to have a drinking problem. I still do, but I used to, too."

"How do you tell if someone is being a karma whore? EDIT: Wow I didn't expect this to become so popular!"

"how do you call those guys who hang around with musicians all the time? Drummers."

"I dont mean to brag, ladies, but I can turn on most appliances with one finger"

"What's the most evil thing a human being can do?"

"Where do all the bad hamburger buns live? In the seedy part of town"

"Those days I only knew six words if you count muther fucker as two."