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Joke of the Day

"[at interview] ""ok 1st question you're on a submarine you find a dog, what do you call him"" umm ""..."" subwoofer? ""welcome to the navy seals"""

"The thing I love most about this fall weather is the UGG boots and yoga pants.. ... Though, they do make me look a bit gay."

"A 3 legged dog walks into a bar Did you hear about the 3 legged dog who walked into a bar? He was looking for the man who shot his paw!"

"(From my 7 year old) Why should you never give Queen Elsa a balloon? Because she'll just let it go."

"When I was at the beach there was a guy in the ocean yelling, ""Shark! Help!"" And I just laughed. I knew that shark wasn't going to help him."

"I keep my porn in the oven! My wife will never find it there!"

"Some girl wanted me to take her to see 50 Shades of Grey... So I took her to Sherwin-Williams."

"Who are the hamburgers favourite people? Vegetarians!"

"My Doberman sits on other dogs to assert dominance. I'm going to try this with my co-workers."

"I chew gum when I get sad It helps chew me up"