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Joke of the Day

"Light a man a fire and he'll be warm for the day... Light a man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life."

"I have a problem with people that are missing body parts. I guess I might just be lack-toes-intolerant."

"My dog acts like her entire family was murdered by a vacuum cleaner."

"What kind of overalls does Mario wear? ... Denim denim denim"

"Worst thing about smoking marijuana nightly is the strong desire to also smoke it morningly, lunchly, afternoonly and allthetimely."

"I almost got fired for watching internet porn at work. Instead I got fired for masturbating."

"The police didn't believe me when I told them I found a flying carpet... They called the whole thing fabricated."

"I like a lot of different kinds of breakfast, but I only eat one at a time. I'm a cereal monogamist."

"Mail order bride I just got a mail order bride from prague, I guess you could call her a Czech mate."

"I started playing a new drinking game recently, Every time I am depressed I take a drink. That game is called alcoholism."