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Joke of the Day

"I have a problem with people that are missing body parts. I guess I might just be lack-toes-intolerant."

"Chinese salesman I had a long talk with a Chinese man selling shoes the other day. It was a pleasant converse-asian."

"Which beer did the flower drink that made it realize that it was smarter when it was young? Budweiser"

"Words can't describe how beautiful someone is... But numbers can. 4/10"

"I was in the park wondering why a frisby looks bigger the closer it gets And then it hit me."

"Do you know what the difference is between patronising and condescending? Condescending is where you talk down to someone. Don't you worry your pretty little head about it though."

"My anniversary is coming up Friday is my anniversary, I'll have been married for 35 years. Really it only 5 years, but I count in dog years because my wife is such a bitch."

"I like my whisky like I like my women. Left in an oak barrel for at least 3 years, with very little oxygen"

"I just got a new job working for R.E.M. . . . I'm expecting a generous Michael Stipend."

"What do you call a 2 legged dog who always ignore your calls? Your ex!"