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Joke of the Day
"My dog acts like her entire family was murdered by a vacuum cleaner."
Next Joke
"Why is Edward still in Russia? Because he is Snowd*en*"
"My friends ask me why I play soccer even though I'm not very good at it. just for kicks"
"How many koalas does it take to screw in a light bulb? Technically just one, as long as he's koalafied."
"My sense of humor is kind of like third world countries at night... dark."
"I'm not sure who looks more frightened & confused when someone knocks on my door, the dog or me?"
"Elijah Wood and Toby Mcguire: whoever dies first gets played by the other in the biopic"
"Son, we don't play Hungry Hungry Hippos for ""fun."" We play it to learn how friends turn on each other in moments of desperation and scarcity"
"Yelling ""shotgun"" when getting in a car means a seat in the front. Yelling it before getting on a plane means a seat in the TSA office."
"Spotting Idiots Online I wish there was some way to identify idiots online. Sent from my iPhone"