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Joke of the Day

"I started playing a new drinking game recently, Every time I am depressed I take a drink. That game is called alcoholism."

"Just got home and found all the doors and windows wide open and everything gone... What kind of sick person would do this to my Advent calendar?"

"your grandma has a pic of you in her house when you were in junior high and not at any other age"

"What do you call a Dadaist fabric? Man Rayon"

"""What's up, doc?"" says Bugs Bunny. ""Not you,"" laughs the doctor. ""Take these little blue pills."" *Looney Tunes music plays*"

"A party was held for current and former actors where you had to come as your favourite musician. When Arnold Schwarzenegger was asked what he was going to wear, his response was I'll be Bach"

"Apparently just sitting here on my new lawn furniture drinking my Vodka & minding my business is disturbing to other Target guests."

"What is a Mexican's favorite sport? It used to be cross country but now it's rock climbing."

"Nurse: Taking you back into surgery. Something was sewn inside you. Me: What? Can I talk to the surgeon? [from my stomach] I'm right here"

"What's better than winning gold in the special Olympics? Not being retarded"