198532

Joke of the Day

"Whats the difference between Donald Trump and a Vacuum? Nothing. Both are really loud, and full of shit."

"How do you stop a monster digging up your garden? Take his spade away."

"My wife must have some big surprise vacation planned. She left a note by the bed telling me I had until tomorrow to have my bags packed."

"Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other, ""Does this taste funny to you?"""

"(Arrives in rescue boat to aid sinking cruise ship full of today's pop artists, saves only Lorde and Sia, speeds away)"

"What's black and always behind bars? Guinness (You bunch of racists)"

"ME: Pet it OPTIMUS PRIME: But I'm afraid of it ME: It's just a dog OP: Oh..ok [reaches out] DOG: [sneezes] OP: [transforms into large truck]"

"Turn up? At my age, I'm just happy when I can turn over."

"Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field"

"The Toyota Prius will help reduce your gas bill and your sex life."