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Joke of the Day

"(Arrives in rescue boat to aid sinking cruise ship full of today's pop artists, saves only Lorde and Sia, speeds away)"

"Why are there no aspirin in the jungle? The parrots eat em all (Paracetamol)"

"My arm fell asleep, which is understandable, considering how boring the rest of my body has been."

"How does the moon cut its hair? Eclipse it. Ha."

"What do you call a fish that likes to cook? Bobby Fillet"

"Have you seen Stevie Wonder's new house? No? Well, it's really nice."

"What is the scariest thing about a white man in prison? You know he did it."

"My coworker looked like a nun today I told her she should break the habit"

"I don't know what I'm more afraid of: killing myself or never doing it. Clowns definitely scare me the most, though."

"If your name is Susan, I surmise you're lazy. If your name is Tom, I posit you're a peeper. If your name is Jason, I automatically assume... YOU'RE A CUNT!!! NO! SERIOUSLY, FUCK YOU, JASON!!!"