197760

Joke of the Day

"What do they eat instead of ""pigs in a blanket"" in McKinney, TX? Pork in a roll. (At least I'm trying)"

"""Yo dog, this yogurt is mad delicious."" -Me, eating yogurt, and talking to my dog. I'm gonna die alone aren't I?"

"Did you hear about the blond who got hurt while raking leaves? she fell off the tree."

"Sorry, page 2 of Google searches."

"Stupid millennials. Always on their phones. Always doing chatsnaps. Always being born into a world where ownership determines everything."

"(Don't let her know you can't read) Yes I'll have this *points to menu* -So you want the gratuity of 15% added to parties of 8 or more? Shit"

"What do you call a rapper who masterbates a lot? Lil Wayne-ker"

"What's difference between a chickpea and a lentil? I've never paid to have a lentil in my mouth."

"If you're wondering about who the oldest James Bond was, don't google 'old man bond age'"

"I wonder if my dog gets embarrassed when I give him kisses in front of other dogs at the park."