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Joke of the Day

"If you think you're having a bad day, the lady who took my order in the drive-thru asked me if my order was to go."

"What smells like shit, looks dead, and doesnt give a fuck? Gamers"

"What's squawky, worn out, and falls from foot easily? An old shoe... ...and Ronda Rousey"

"Statistics are like Bikini Atoll Their essence utterly obliterated for the purpose of proving a political point."

"*walks in *wife is murdered *looks at mirror (Written in blood) YOUR NEXT ""My next what? *from the closet ""Oh sorry typo I meant you're."

"Did you hear that Oxygen and Magnesium went on a date? OMG!"

"Just hit a racist with my car. Probably a racist. I feel like he was. Statistically, very likely. Oh so you think there's no racism problem?"

"I never know what to do with my hands when I'm at a urinal besides flick the earlobes of the guy next to me."

"What do you call a director of an anti-vampire organization? A stakeholder."

"Menage a trois?! I haven't even successfully split a Kit-Kat three-ways"