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Joke of the Day

"Just got back from my wild New Years Eve outing and shoveled my parents sidewalks. 'Cause that's the way middle-aged white guys roll. Yo."

"Hi, Id like to buy a Nutri-Bullet, pls. Salesperson: Ah, nice. Off on a cleanse or health kick? Yes. *imagines drinking lasagna* For sure."

"My girlfriend told me she likes vaginal sex more than anal sex because it's a lot cleaner No shit"

"""You're so cold, I wished you would just disappear!"" His temperature then dropped to 0 Kelvin and he disappeared"

"If I got $1 every time a woman said I was't her type, I'd be her type."

"What do you call a Hindu lizard? A karma chameleon"

"I was going to make a joke about Sodium and Hydrogen but NaH"

"Thor is riding on the back of his mighty war horse. He shouts ""I AM THOR! I AM THOR!"" His horse replies: ""That's because you forgot your thaddle thilly!"""

"Did you know Eazy E has a brother. His name is Hard D."

"How do you know if somebody is a vegan? Don't worry, they'll fucking tell you."