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Joke of the Day

"[on the phone with an ex while violently twisting and stabbing a voodoo doll] Are you sure you're ok?"

"How does Thor's brother like to party? He likes to keep it pretty Lo-key"

"My good friend is the world's best hitman... ...earning over $10 million each year. He really makes a killing."

"The King and I always have breakfast for dinner on Christmas Eve We call it Yule Brinner."

"Q: What's red and sits in the corner? A: A naughty tomato."

"What happened to the tree after it caught fire? It became entally handicapped"

"How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb? It doesn't matter because they can't change anything."

"The front desk lady at this remote motel is barely concealing her howling desire to graphically murder me. I'll be honest, it's refreshing."

"What do you say to pasta that gets thrown out? Hasta la pasta baby."

"What do you get when you cross Ebola and Tourette Syndrome?"