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Joke of the Day

"[The mid 20s catch up] ""What are you drinking, who you seeing?"" [The midlife catchup] ""Who's your therapist, what are you taking for it?"""

"Wore an orange suit for the first time today... I stand by my convictions."

"What's the most common owl in Britain? The tea towel"

"My friend was worried about the results of his HIV test, so I told him to assume he was going to die. I don't see why he got angry at me though, I was just want him to be negative."

"I'm an introverted republican... ...I guess you could call me an anti-socialist."

"She said she was burning with desire, so I threw a bucket of water at her. Dating is bullshit."

"Do you know about the unpredictable weather in Syria? Sometimes it's Sunni, other times it's Shiite."

"Why did the Pilgrims create Thanksgiving? They wanted another excuse to watch football."

"If we were to have a small food fight, would we be engaging in Morsel Combat?"

"Those who have some means think that the most important thing in the world is love; the poor know that it is money."