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Joke of the Day

"My friend was worried about the results of his HIV test, so I told him to assume he was going to die. I don't see why he got angry at me though, I was just want him to be negative."

"Wife: y is a penguin w an umbrella in the- Me:*points to dog dressed as batman* so Bark Wayne isnt bored W: M: he needs an arch enemy, Karen"

"Dear Parents If you want to find out where your Son/Doughter is in the house, Simply turn off WI-FI and Wait"

"The fish's piano was making weird noises. Guess it was out of tuna."

"How do you pick up my ex girlfriend? With a broom and a dustpan."

"Where do spiders play their FA Cup final ? Webley stadium !"

"127 HOURS but me trying to get my hand out of the Pringles can"

"Trump bragged about Apprentice ratings at National Prayer Breakfast, just like when Jesus boasted about his huge Sermon on the Mount crowds."

"What do the Starship Enterprise and toilet paper have in common? They both fly around Uranus wiping off Klingons"

"My desires are... unconventional. (Hands you a phone and makes you call my boss and quit my job for me)"