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Joke of the Day

"I hate it when I forget to bring my phone in the car and have to read a shampoo bottle while I drive."

"I have a recurring dream where I divide 10 by 3."

"Did you know that ants are free? You can just take one!"

"Sarah Jessica Parker? Horse."

"A got a beer for my wife... and it was the best trade I've made in a while"

"How does a tractor break up with its boyfriend? With a John Deere letter."

"What's the difference between my wife and the dress? The dress is white and gold"

"You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter. "

"(alternate) My wife asked me why I carry a gun around the house To kill the hallucinations I said She laughed. I laughed The toaster laughed I shot the dog"

"Chuck Norris does not ""style"" his hair. It lays perfectly in place out of sheer terror."