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Joke of the Day

"(alternate) My wife asked me why I carry a gun around the house To kill the hallucinations I said She laughed. I laughed The toaster laughed I shot the dog"

"Oh for goodness sake, if abortion was really the same as murdering babies nobody would favour it. Isn't it OBVIOUS you're missing the point?"

"I'm terrified That I might be a hypochondriac"

"Meanwhile, in Facebook, Greta, who dislikes the gays, is about to get a big surprise from her son and his ""roommate"" of 20 years."

"Chuck Norris doesn't dial the wrong number. You pick up the wrong phone."

"What do u call a Jew? Jewish"

"What is wrong with a turtle who can't come out of his shell? Ereptile dysfunction"

"For dinner last night, all I wanted was some bread that wasn't indian But we had naan"

"Why did the storm trooper get an iPhone? He couldn't find the Droid he was looking for"

"Who were the shortest people in the Bible? Let's see. There's Kneehighmiah, Bildad the Shoe-Height...oh, and Peter, who said, ""Silver and gold I have none,"" and no one could be much shorter than that."