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Joke of the Day

"''You will die alone.'' I hate fortune cookies. Wait! This is a note from my mom!"

"QUESTION: Name the loser in the 1976 presidential race. ANSWER: The American people."

"Church basketball What do you call a group of nuns who's into basketball? Slam NUNk Who's their MVP? Stephen Mary"

"I got the lyrics wrong and partied like it's 1599. Now my kitchen smells like roast peacock and I can't get this horse off my couch"

"Is Jon Stewart the Last Airbender? Because just when the world needed him most, he vanished."

"It's convenient for my password security needs that my mother's maiden name is Waffles4%"

"Today at the church, the lady next to me lit a cigarette and started smoking it... I almost dropped my beer in shock."

"My wife is mad at me. Get this, her diary says I have boundary issues."

"I like my women like I like my coffee Hot and all over my pants."

"What's 12 inches long, stiff, full of sperm and can make a girl scream? The sock under my bed. (I don't remember where I heard it. Can't claim ownership.)"