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Joke of the Day

"I got the lyrics wrong and partied like it's 1599. Now my kitchen smells like roast peacock and I can't get this horse off my couch"

"Q. What does Kodak film and Condoms have in common? A. Both are made to capture special moments."

"How does Han Solo like to get around Endor? Ewoks"

"I like my girlfriends how I like my wine... 10 years old and locked in a cellar"

"How do you make apple jelly? google maps."

"What's the difference between a hippie chick and a hockey player? A hockey player takes a shower after three periods."

"Things that are better left unsaid 1. 2. 3."

"Why did the chicken cross the road? Because the road murdered the chicken's family."

"I like my women like I like my rice.... ....Hot, white, and lifeless."

"Waiter there is a fly in my soup! Sorry sir maybe I've forgotten it when I removed the other three."