34669

Joke of the Day

"What's 12 inches long, stiff, full of sperm and can make a girl scream? The sock under my bed. (I don't remember where I heard it. Can't claim ownership.)"

"Dave drowned So at the funeral we got him a wreath in the shape of a lifebelt. It's what he would have wanted. (Gary Delaney)"

"[creation of insects] LIGHTNING BUG: I will illuminate the night BEE: I will pollinate flowers FLY: I will eat shit and die"

"What education program did Eric Wright enroll in? ECE"

"I'm a scientist that's researching beastiality between humans and dogs You'll find me in my lab"

"Me: You a good personal trainer? Him: You bet your emotionally distant dad I am. Me: [through tears] Wow, that's personal. You're hired."

"Build a man a fire, he remains warm for the day But set a man on fire, he is warm for the rest of his life"

"Hey everyone in a play pretending to drive a car - stop steering so much."

"Why do we let women and children off a sinking ship first? So the sharks aren't hungry anymore."

"What Do You Call it When Someone Steals Someone Else's Coffee? A Mugging."