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Joke of the Day

"Today at the church, the lady next to me lit a cigarette and started smoking it... I almost dropped my beer in shock."

"Why doesn't a chicken wear pants? Because its pecker is on its head. (Get the reference?)"

"I hate when people tell me to have a safe flight. Like I have a choice. It's either back home, or in a swamp. I'll try really hard to live."

"Hey pal, you wanna take this outside? *me & the guy from the bar scoop the bug up on a napkin and set it down gently on the grass in front*"

"I hate it when you're on the bus and the local weirdo get on and sits next to you. You know, the ones that watch you having a wank."

"It's impossible to think about uptown funk without getting it stuck in your head... Don't believe me? Just watch!"

"Our FedEx guy keeps delivering diapers & formula but I didn't order any. And he cries when he holds the baby. Weird, huh?"

"What's a terrorist's favourite car? A Ford Exploder."

"What kind of pants do you buy for your pet Chihuahua? Shorts!"

"Why do androids go to Africa to party? Because Botswana have fun."