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Joke of the Day

"I can't find the thing that I fuck every day, so I asked the kids.... Apparently the dog died two days ago."

"How does a redneck find a sheep in his field? Sexy."

"Where do Bees use the bathroom? At the BP station. (thanks grandma)"

"I got arrested for punching this guy at a new years eve party..... when you hear an Arab counting down from ten your instincts kick in."

"I was going to confess to this girl, until I found out that... Oops, wrong sub. Was meant to post this on /r/atheism."

"How do you make a hormone? Don't pay her"

"Baby elephants migrate hundreds of miles to find water. My 6 year old is lying on the floor of the mall because I made him walk from the car"

"A little girl told her mother ""Mommy, I want to be a feminist when I grow up!"" The mother answered ""Well make up your mind, sweetheart""."

"- Hi, this is NSA calling. - Yes, I know. - How do you know? -- My phone is turned off."

"I've been dating this girl who works at the zoo. I'm pretty sure she's a keeper."