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Joke of the Day

"Baby elephants migrate hundreds of miles to find water. My 6 year old is lying on the floor of the mall because I made him walk from the car"

"I am so bored in my current profession. I am thinking of becoming a bartender... ...to shake things up a bit."

"Marriage Joke The title is the joke. Come on guys. -.-"

"""Are you ok?"" ""No, I'm bleeding because its fun."""

"So a patient walks into my therapist office... [INFORMATION PROTECTED BY THE HIPPA]"

"What's better than roses on a piano? Tulips on your organ."

"Damn girl, are you the Employee of the Month? 'Cause you sure do suck a lot of dick."

"""Friends are a dime a dozen."" *pulls out a sack full of dimes* ""Sweet, I'll take 32 dozen friends please."""

"How many house flies does it take to screw in a light bulb? Just the standard two, but I'll be damned if I know how they got in there."

"Made a pact w/ my wife that if we're 40 & kids haven't stopped whining, we'll meet at top of the Empire State Building so they can't find us"