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Joke of the Day

"What do you call it when you forgot to use mouthwash, and it kills an otherwise pleasant evening? A ""no scope"""

"*gives joke answer to daughter's 75th consecutive question* [20 years later, she's in an office] ""Everyone knows the moon was built in 1973"""

"Absence makes the heart grow fonder my ass. I haven't been on Myspace in years and I still think it fucking sucks."

"*Librarian walks in* You know what's great kids? You don't need wifi to read a book! *Kids boo* *Someone in the crowd yells ""NERD""*"

"How did Jack know exactly where to find the goose in the giant's castle? He had *bean stalking* her."

"*getting murdered* Oh, wow, this is totally clearing my sinuses"

"What do you call four Mexicans in quicksand? Cuatro cinco."

"I'm starting to think the guy offering to check for lumps inside his van was not as legit as his cardboard certificate claimed."

"How do you know the toothbrush was invented in West Virginia? It would have been called a teeth brush anywhere else."

"If you get cold, just stand in a corner for a little bit. They're usually 90 degrees."