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Joke of the Day

"*getting murdered* Oh, wow, this is totally clearing my sinuses"

"When women reach a certain age they start accumulating cats This is known as many paws"

"Hey can you take the next left? I gotta drop the cosby kids off at the pool."

"[walking quickly past the old lady I just held the door open for] this doesn't mean you can order before me"

"I was going to post a really cheesy pun but there was just no whey."

"So, why were they called the dark ages? There were too many knights."

"What is trust? Two cannibals giving each other a blowjob."

"I hate when I toss some cold pizza in the microwave, check Twitter real quick and when I come back I've missed 3 mortgage payments."

"Apple's CEO Tim Cook has announced he is gay. Samsung's CEO is expected to announce tomorrow he is waaay gayer."

"[Puzzle Group Therapy] Crossword: Just once, someone use a pen! Sudoku: Nobody likes math. Jigsaw: ..Then they glued me together! *sobs*"