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Joke of the Day

"Absence makes the heart grow fonder my ass. I haven't been on Myspace in years and I still think it fucking sucks."

"I finally got my shit together. It's pretty gross. Wanna see?"

"a duck was about to cross the road when a chicken came running up and said... don't do it man ... you will never here the end of it!"

"What do you call a pregnant stewardess? Pilot error"

"I wouldn't be mad. And the Lord said unto John ""Come forth and receive eternal life"". But John came fifth and won a toaster."

"Did you hear about the Hunger Games character who got eaten alive in the Middle East? Poor Peeta..."

"This one earned some cutting remarks. If it weren't for the table saw accident, I wouldn't be half the person I am today."

"What does a man who loves his car do on February 14? He gives it a valenshine!"

"Did you know that before James Gandolfini suggested the name ""The Sopranos,"" HBO had planned to call it ""The Lasagnas?"""

"This morning I woke up feeling the BERN! This afternoon my doctor told me I need to practice safe sex and wrote me a prescription."