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Joke of the Day

"I had an asthma attack while walking to work today... Even I didn't believe it when 3 asthmatics jumped out of a bush and started hitting me."

"How can you tell who's the Polish Jew at The Wailing Wall? He's the guy with the harpoon."

"So LIGO scientists were finally able to detect gravitational waves... Don't know what took them so long. Your mom's been around for some time now, rippling spacetime."

"You know why there are very few American bees these days? They are being replaced by H1Bees."

"my shower curtain grabbing my thigh while I was washing my hair is the most action I've gotten in a long time."

"How do you get wishes from cheese? You fed-a-genie!"

"Make a man a fire and he'll be warm for a night Set a man on fire and he'll be warm till he dies"

"I have a very particular set of skills, skills I acquired over a long career. Skills that - ugh hold on *covers phone* MOM I'M ON THE PHONE!"

"A bird can fly... But a fly can't bird."

"Tits man or arse man? ""Tits man or arse man?"" I was asked. I really should have got in there earlier when they were giving out super hero names."