63177

Joke of the Day

"I have a very particular set of skills, skills I acquired over a long career. Skills that - ugh hold on *covers phone* MOM I'M ON THE PHONE!"

"How to spot a blind guy in a nudist colony? It ain't hard."

"if i had a dollar for every time i had sex i'd be homeless"

"Diet plan: make friends fatter"

"My wife is a sex object I ask for sex, she objects"

"The Past, Present, and Future walk into a bar. It was tense."

"Don't be part of the problem, be the whole problem"

"*Action movie guy gets shot 3 times* It's nothing, I'll be fine. *gets shot a 4th time* Wow ok, that last one, ok whoooooo."

"Q: What do you get when you cross a Pentium PC with a research grant? A: A mad scientist."

"I was on the subway when someone sneezed on me. I was so disgusted, I turned to him and said ""People like you make me sick."""