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Joke of the Day
"*admires David at the museum* I can't believe a teenage mutant ninja turtle sculpted this"
Next Joke
"Two reasons I won't give money to homeless people. 1. They're probably just going to buy beer with that money. 2. I'm going to buy beer with that money. Edit: changed for to with."
"Me: I have a younger sister but she's nothing like me. Him: Wow, she sounds perfect."
"and on the 8th day god created drugs and everybody was like ""thanks god you're the shit"""
"""1990 called, they want their shirt back."" ""...why didn't you warn them about 9/11?"""
"I miss the days if you were angry while on the phone, you could slam it down without costing $400!"
"What do you call a horse who likes crackers? Seatriscuit"
"Mules are held donkey and half horse. So does this mean that they do everything half-assed?"
"I'm sorry your husband of 50 yrs is dead. Here is a casserole made with Campbells Soup. ~White people."
"I met this gorgeous girl on the subway... and I said to her, ""do you know the different between lunch and a blowjob"" ""no"" Ok, lets go to lunch then."