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Joke of the Day

"I met this gorgeous girl on the subway... and I said to her, ""do you know the different between lunch and a blowjob"" ""no"" Ok, lets go to lunch then."

"I asked my chemistry teacher if we can revise oxides Because im a bit rusty"

"Why did the kid run across the freeway? To show his friends he had guts. And boy, did he have guts."

"Why do Irishmen drink all the time? You would too if you were a ginger"

"How bout I hold a toaster over you while you're in the tub, and you tweet something that doesn't make me drop it."

"When do you know that you are getting old? When you have babies on purpose"

"What are the two things someone with a face tattoo never hears? ""You're hired"" ""Not guilty"""

"Goodnight moon. Goodnight cow jumping over the moon. Goodnight space cow preventing other cows from clearing the moon. Goodnight ketamine."

"When I had no money, I had few friends, but no enemies Btw, I still have no money, in case you were thinking of becoming my friend or enemy"

"Me, December 2016: I'm going to buy this juicer and lose some weight in January Me, January 2017: I have eaten the juicer"